Creationism: This Will Make Me Look A Lot Smarter

Today, the ACLU and Americans United for Separation of Church and State filed suit in federal court on behalf of parents of students in Pennsylvania's Dover Area School District who object to the teaching of "intelligent design" alongside evolution in high school biology classes.

I object. To the lawsuit.

Think about it.

Back in the day, one only required a college degree, in anything, to land the good jobs. Then schools started handing out degrees like they came out of a Cracker Jack box, and the whole college racket went to hell in a handbasket. Nowadays, jobs are getting scarcer, and the ticket to really good-paying jobs these days is either a math or a science degree.

And this isn't fair to people like me who, while smart, are lousy at math, don't comprehend logic, and have only a lousy humanities degree.

Well, I don't normally hand out lauds to the religious right, but I really think they've hit on something here. By mandating the teaching of cretinism or whatever they call it, they've magically hit on a method of making the population dumber. Who wins? Me!

It's a sure-fire bet that anyone raised believing that creationism is how the Earth was created is probably not going to be a star biology student. In fact, by throwing the scientific method out the window and supplanting it with faith, I'm betting that chemistry, astronomy, physics and (hopefully) math are probably not going to be the strong suit of any of this crop of pupils either.

This is great news. Merely by attrition and the law of averages, within ten years (at the outside) I will have gone from being virtually math-illiterate to being a mathematical and scientific genius. All without lifting a finger or cracking a book! This creationism stuff is going to be really great for people like me who acquired a functional understanding of the scientific method, but who weren't smart enough to take it very far. We will be the overlords and rulers of the new frontier.

And of course, upon reaching my position of power in this wonderful new world, I'll be pushing to teach religion in all the schools. How else can I keep the stupid suckers in line?